hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
