Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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