I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
