just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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