its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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