im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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