then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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