If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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