If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
