It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
