my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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