In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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