Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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