he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
