Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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