used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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