I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
