Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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