I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize