are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize