Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
