good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
