Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
