ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize