i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
