Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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