no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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