Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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