I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
