So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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