3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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