your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
