Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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