my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
