i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
