Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
