Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
