Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
