Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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