today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
