You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
