Quick, to the slutcave!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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