I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
