yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
