You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
