i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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