It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
