just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Drake has all the answers
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So. Much. Porn.
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