epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
