Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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