now i know why i became what i already was.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
