I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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