I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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