I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
