didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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