im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
