Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
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