there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
