Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
