a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
