Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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