when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
