So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
