Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
