I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
