my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
