you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize