Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
