Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
