Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Randomize
