it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize