I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize