So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
