and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
