i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
